So think of something new

Just to show how out of popular culture I am, I just found out that Mr. White is splitting from his wife as of June. This adds a new level to my lonely moping.

Obviously it is none of my business. Cursed with a family sized level of compassion, I can understand how easily things can fall apart for good people. I also understand that two people have to work to make a marriage happy for it to be.

But Fuck it! Sometimes somebody has to just come out and say, "Let's find what the fuck is going to make us happy together and do that!" Love bubbles fade away if you don't feed them.

At a Halloween party with mostly single parents as guests, I met a lovely artist. I am actually able to have good conversations about single parenting--spending about 40% of the year as a stay-at-home single parent. This artist said wasn't it lucky my Knight and I had so much time apart so that we would stay passionate for each other. Let me tell you now that I kept my mouth shut when she said that. That is the biggest load of bullshit I ever heard.

Yes, it is good to have your own interests. When you are apart for long stretches, all you have is your own interests. Phones and video conferences and instant messaging does not make a man who can hold you while you cry over a stressful event of the day. An event, most likely, that you will be over by tomorrow, and certainly by the next time you see the man that should be holding you. Basically, days, weeks, months, apart just leads to feeling separate. It is too easy to just get on with life and focus on being happy. That is human nature. Except maybe for those who are actually 19 years old.

When faced with the obstacles of a busy life and too much time apart, it takes an effort to make sure you keep your mate alive inside you every minute of every day. To put a 19 year old effort into maintaining passion. Also, you have to understand how hormones play a role in passion and feed on that. You need to make the commitment that staying together is more important than being happy while you are apart.

We've lost this type of commitment in our society. At least sometimes it feels so. We don't teach marriage or mate selection to our children.

So I wish the best for everyone. I wish for everyone to learn the lessons they need to in time to make use of them. I wish for second, and third and fourth, chances to make happiness. I wish for everyone the painful compassion that leads to making others happy.

19 or 32, saddened either way


(post script: The compassion I feel is honest. That doesn't mean I don't have an overly healthy sense of self worth. I am nothing if not self aware. If I didn't have such a big ego, I would have an inferiority complex being married to a man who is actually a better person than I am. As it is, I am brazen enough to be a good partner.)