Been a couple months since my last post. Can't say playing around with my thyroid meds has been great. What I want now is to be happy again. Focusing on a baby is not making that happen, but neither is eliminating the possibility. Trying to recreate our lust zone while leaving the baby option open. All while my night is spending the majority of fall on the road. Leads me to a night intoxicated and watching Black Pool Lights followed by It Might Get Loud. I may need to blend up another margarita.
After a couple months of feeling the dud, I am really missing my knight tonight. I want him to touch me. I want to touch him. Is it just me, or is there a certain song about fellatio? Sex is a major part of who I am. When it is cut off, I do not feel as strongly in any emotion. Sure, I am not as sad; but then I am not as happy or as in love. Without the desire, I just love. I just respect. The need makes me feel like a full person and I love Him. I am in love with my knight.
It's still a choice. I have to choose to feel the need. I have to focus on it. After two months without the ability to need, I crave it. I crave Him. I use Mr. White to focus the need. I don't want anyone to touch me, but my knight. Not even our beautiful children. What I have with their Papa is proof that there is a God.
So, on that note, I leave you with a song that reminds me of going down on that knight. I hope that Mrs. White gives her husband what he needs in that arena. I plan to give my knight his.
