So his mind can go go go go. And God has laid a road for my mind. My knight's body has rebuilt a road for him. Our lives have suddenly changed. New opportunities. New things to worry about. A new test for our developed sexual keenness for each other.
I may or may not be currently pregnant, but if I always get the things I want, this would be it. Number 3. Another roller-coaster of hormones. Another chance at sublime birth. A minivan. That's something that never seemed like a good idea, until today.
We found out about the "recanalization" via a positive pregnancy test and then a miscarriage the next day. Too many emotions in too short a time. Too many surprises for my knight to process. His immediate feelings were of a failed surgery, a problem to be fixed. My immediate feelings were a lost miracle and an opening of options.
Not sure how much he has thought about it since then. He says that this week is for thinking about. This week is the week after I have ovulated again, and oh boy did we enjoy a week of intensity. I may be building a house inside as I write this. I was sure motivated to make sure my knight came inside me as often as possible. Generally I enjoy getting him off, but perhaps there was an extra boost in interest.
At least he went into it knowing. Now my heart is in a vault, waiting. Waiting to know. Not drinking. Not drinking too much caffeine either. Waiting. I am bad at waiting. Is every little sign just normal pms or pregnancy?
And I'm hoping. Hoping we will get pregnant. Hoping if we do, that our sexual experience will be better around this time. At least this time my knight is skilled in oral sex. And I am not willing to have bad sex just for him. He can have bad sex by himself. I want to come out of a third pregnancy more in love and lust with my knight than ever. It's a short time during a long marriage. My hope is for a new life without the burden of resentment.
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