Walkin' down the street

Late at night...

I'm not, though.  I'm home and about to explode.  Trying not to explode.  Thinking about biology.  Is this ever increasing need just a common symptom of my age?  Am I slowly approaching the famed sexual peak?  If so, how many more years of this can I stand before I'm ripped apart?  How many more years to face with it getting worse every time my knight leaves town? Seven? Ten?! Everytime I go through times that I am just scared.  I'm begging for something to take away this need.  Another baby to kill my sex drive.  At this point I am really enjoying my life and don't really want another baby.  But one would provide relief from needing sex.  Or a little pot to take the edge of the tension.  Something is going to have to give.

I'm not even ovulating this week and my heart is ripped open.  My stomach is full of knots. I can feel the fantom kisses and touches.  I'm starting to hate all my toys.  I feel so reliant on them that I want to use them more and more while having sex with my knight.  And they don't do it for me.  They don't hold me or smell like home.  They don't even smell like desire.  They smell clean.

And this is now!  It gets worse every time.  Some nights I am so scared that we won't make it through this time together.  Another decade, with my drive getting stronger every month?  And the traveling?  I'm afraid we will be ripped apart by a desire that I can only somewhat control now.