Solute your Solution

Everything seems to happen in clumps. There was the phase when we were all getting married. Then the baby phase. Now seems to be the phase of marital trouble. I guess that is what normally comes after the baby phase. Maybe this has to do with the new-relationship high. It is powerfully intoxicating and sets your whole body and soul on fire. I know it well. Usually it ends with a burn. Practically always. Did the burns cause my sexual confusion?

I didn't have that all-consuming high when I started dating my knight. We had lots of good times. I was attracted to him. To tell the truth, at that age I was attracted to almost anyone with a enough in his pants. My knight came with lots of stress, miscommunication, and fighting. Oh boy, was there fighting! In some ways our wedding was a business arrangement more than a whirlwind of excitement. Not having the high was actually a relief. High = BURN Somewhere subconsciously that was true. While we just kept fighting; we kept fighting. Eventually we got better at it.

Somewhere in that, I forgot how much I love dick. The intrinsic drive was all muddle up with the pain from all those burns. All the highs came with burns, even if I was the one holding the match. During the loss of passion phase of our marriage, I actively avoided touching him there. I lost a part of who I was because it was weighed down by anchor of guilt. Long past time to cut that chain.

During his last week home before this dry spell, I was sick. I couldn't get out of bed. I avoided kissing him so that he would stay healthy. No fun. When I should be aching for his touch from every pore, I was having trouble getting in the mood. I missed him. Just not in that full-body, uncontrollable lust that has re-entered my life. Thank God for instant messaging! My knight started telling me about a current fantasy. It involves going down on him in hotel kitchen. That was it, and I'm back. I do love a big cock in my mouth. His. Now I only want his. I want him. Being invigorated by my true friend and partner in life means there's no burn. Knight + High = Eternal Flame.

Maybe I missed that high when our relationship was new. Feeling pretty blessed to have it now. A new relationship with the only person I can trust completely. A high we made for ourselves and a solution to guilt vs. wanting dick. Just wish he was here to solute my solution.

--19 forced to me 31 sometimes.